As I sit here thinking about today’s event, I feel somewhat despondent. Chicktime Carthage has six months of events under it’s belt, yet is still within it’s infancy. Many times I have often wondered if I made the right choice to bring a chapter to my hometown. I’ve struggled internally with being a chapter leader. Sometimes I feel as if I am not fit or capable to lead. Who am I to do this? What can I bring to the table that I’ve not already brought? I guess the main frustration is attendance. I look around at all these other chapters that are thriving and have great attendance and monthly leaders every month, whilst we struggle to have at least 5 people show up and yet no one wants to lead. So it falls on myself and my co-leader. You see typically Chicktime chapters have a residential population. One where the women get to interact with the people they are helping and by doing activities with them. They not only help those people grow, they help themselves to grow as individuals working as the hands and feet of Christ. I chose a charity partner that does not have a residential population. Their clients are confidential. The few ladies that do come when time allows, have never met some of the center’s clients as I have so they don’t truly understand who they are helping and why. They’ve not seen the brokenness, despair, and sometimes shame on their faces. It can be heartbreaking sometimes. But those moments when you see the appreciation and hope shine through, makes it all worth it.
I wish the other chicks could see what I see. Being a chapter leader is a tough job. There is a lot of work that goes into it in order to make it a true success. I know without a doubt if I were to call up the Ntl Leader and ask for help or guidance, she would be there without question and ready to lend a hand or ear. I try not to get too down on myself because we’ve talked about it before and you go into this knowing full well that this is a new program within the community and it takes time. Time to build a following and for people to hear you and get what you’re doing. I wish that others could feel the way I feel when I attend one of these events. I come away filled with hope, love and positivity. It boggles my mind that others don’t feel as passionately. The PHC does a great service and work for this community. The benefits of what little we do accomplish far outweigh the challenges though. That’s the one hope I can hold onto.
So this morning as I sat with my coffee and engaged with my online FB bible study group Good Morning Girls of Salt and Light during our Saturday morning prayer time, I asked for strength and grace to continue on as the chapter leader. I asked that they lift me up in their prayers to have a positive outlook and know that deep down, this is something God pushed me to do. No one ever said it would be easy. When God wants us to do something, He makes it abundantly clear and hard to do it alone. He wants us to depend upon Him and His strength. He gives us the tools to do what needs to be done and in His timing. I need to remember that. So as I prepare myself and my heart for today’s event, knowing that attendance will be low, I must believe in my soul that this is where God wants me to be. I will step back and allow Him to use me however he sees fit. We are the hands and feet of Christ.
So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. ~John 13:12-17